This is Not the Captain Speaking!

Much of my work has been on creating ways to build human connection, also called social capital, in the midst of traditionally patriarchal settings. The dominant context surrounding this work was made vivid in my first real job, working in human resources for an oil company. A kind, experienced manager, named Curly Jones (he was bald), saw the blank look constantly on my face and explained the essential nature of the culture we lived in. He said the essence of management and leadership in our high-control world can be captured in the quote:

“Now hear this. Now hear this. This is the captain speaking. This is the captain speaking. That is all!”

Over the decades since then, I have been working to create a world where someone other than the captain is speaking.

“Now hear this. This is the connector speaking. Break into small groups.”

What keeps getting clearer is the idea that connectors are the delivery system for the communal purposes we care most about. It is rarely acknowledged that connectors are essential to make a positive difference in the world. That they are foundational both for ending isolation, worthwhile for its own sake, but as important, connecting is a powerful source for creating agency and accountability.

Most often, the work of connecting people is treated as a special event. A retreat, a workshop, a block party, a social affair. What is rare is paying attention to social capital as an everyday routine. Something important shifts when connecting people, especially strangers, is considered to be a normal, mainstream way of achieving what we care most about. This is why it is so special when we run across places that see this. Even better when we are invited into them.

Surprise

In the last couple of months, I received three invitations that have opened portals with important implications. The invitations were from movements that have always mattered: political party, union, and environmental protection. They all have traditionally centered on strategies of strong persuasion, inspirational leaders, and advocacy organized around campaigns, constant messaging, and a heavy reliance on research data and statistics to persuade and convert. All of this as a way to gain community support, and call for a change from institutions. All are genuinely committed to our collective well-being, but the strategies are content and leader-focused in a way that puts most of their attention outwards.

In this case, the invitations were different. They were considering strategies that were more inward, starting with how their members could better connect with each other, followed by building social capital and agency among their constituents. They envisioned:

• Precinct leaders building local citizen connections all year long with the intent of finding ways to produce their own well-being. This in addition to electing their candidate.

• Union representatives building social capital among teachers in each school building to strengthen their relationships with each other and their connections with students.

• Environmentalists building a deeper connection first among themselves and then with neighborhood citizens to support caring for the planet.

Here are the experiences we created to embody these intentions:

Teacher’s Union

The union is an advocate for teacher rights, working conditions, and pay. There is a union representative in each school building who traditionally works to keep teachers informed about their contracts, stances to take in their relationship with administration, and getting out the vote in support of a tax levy.

Union leadership is now considering an additional role for the building reps: to build and foster stronger relationships between teachers in the building to increase the capacity of teachers to support each other for the well-being of the children. Regardless of who is the principal or captain of the school. Steps would be taken to increase social capital among teachers throughout the school year, with the understanding it is not for every building representative or teacher.

My time with them was at a meeting held every year to launch the return to the classroom. This year, in that gathering, a two-hour segment was spent in small groups of three (surprise) holding questions of crossroads and gifts in conversations designed to be personal and build trust. The intention was to provide an experience for the union representatives to both become closer, and to show people in the room a sample of the methods they can use to better connect teachers in a building.

Political Party

There are approximately 500 Democratic Party precincts in Hamilton County where I live. Each is composed of about 1400 residents. Each has a volunteer precinct executive who traditionally focuses on raising money and getting out the vote. The invite to me came from a couple of party leaders who are considering a new role for the precinct leaders: to bring neighbors together on an ongoing basis to build very local social capital. The intention is for these executives to regularly bring neighbors together and engage them in active, year-round efforts to make their place better.

This idea was launched with a two-hour evening event convened just for this purpose. In the room were about forty people from the full range of party membership. State and federal elected officials, campaign managers, precinct leaders, active citizens. All people who, by showing up, declared they were willing to rethink the role and function of a political party and attracted to having it become a consistent presence in serving the common good.

After a brief social time, the people hosting the event shared their vision of the expanded role for the local leader. Then we broke people into small groups of three (more surprises). We asked them to sit with people they knew the least and answer the question of why it was important for them to be here. Then more questions, with twelve minutes for each.

A simple experience like this almost always produces energy for the larger intent. Since then, there have been several conversations about how to regularize this way of being together and move towards expanding the impact of the precinct leader.

Establishing the Rights of Nature

A couple of environmental rights groups seek legislation and court judgments to protect the land, air, and water. They also are sophisticated in their efforts of campaigning, promotion, lobbying, and judicial proceedings.

They are increasingly aware that local citizens, acting in support of each other, play an important role in protecting the planet. They brought about eighty activists together for a weekend focusing on the work and learning from each other. The invitation to me was to structure a connection experience for them.

The opening evening began with a talk from a seasoned environmentalist describing how the groups were working to protect the ecology of the planet. The group heard about their latest efforts, successes with legislatures, struggles with companies in the courts, and what is on the agenda for the near future.

After this, I broke people into small groups (duh!) asking them to sit with people they knew the least. They were asked questions about what this gathering meant to them, what doubts they had, what gifts they brought, and what they valued about each other in the discussions they just had.

The impact was for us all to experience how quickly trust and authenticity can be built among participants showing up with common interests. It also hinted at how building social capital among citizens is needed to serve the larger interest of protecting the environment. I thought later that building the ecology of the room might be this moment’s counterpart of sustaining the ecology of the planet.

Departing the Dominant Narrative

These were just three times I spent with committed people who came together to impact the world: a union committed to our children, a political party committed to democracy, environmental groups working to protect nature.

The time with each of them created a pause of departure from what can be considered a colonial structure for these kinds of gatherings. A departure from the usual problem-solving focus, led by a captain, sold with data, and counting on a list of action steps to make it all seem worthwhile. All too familiar.

The pause for departing is based on a theory of change that says the peer relationships between those who show up are central to creating agency and accountability for producing the future we have in mind. It is a shift in where attention is placed. Away from the front of the room to those sitting next to us. The methodology was too simple: small groups of three, questions about crossroads, dissent, gifts. Questions framed to invite vulnerability. Twelve minutes a question, no advice or help allowed. Join two other people you know the least. Simple. Building social capital at this moment rather than asking for action as we leave.

The Alternative Is Around Us

Fortunately, there is a growing force that understands that building social capital this way may be more powerful than the efforts of protest, fundraising campaigns, lawsuits, and getting out the vote. Awareness is growing that for each event or campaign we plan, each time we gather, deepening connections is a central priority.

In every urban and rural area, local citizens––call them connectors––are inventing innovative ways of producing what democracy and the common good promise. They embody the departure from the love of knowing and announcing what is wrong (the news and social media) and declaring how people should change (studies, podcasts, the academy) and the shift towards the value of deeper connection and building trust. Not for its own sake, but as a delivery system for collective outcomes.

There also is a national movement and field celebrating and hosting connectors as central to transformation and serving the common good. This field offers an alternative to continuing to grieve over the expanding imperial energy that is now so visible. These connectors realize in their own way that ending isolation and building trust among neighbors and citizens is essential in any attempt at an alternative future. They all have their own language. At UC Berkeley john a. powell has an Institute of Othering and Belonging. The Aspen Institute honors community weavers. Tamarack Institute builds social capital to end poverty.

In every city there are connectors who are mostly unannounced (until now). I was just on a call with some amazing groups in Chicago: My Block My Hood My City, Community Works, April Doner and Nate Tubbs, who are building a neighborhood connectors network. Plus individuals with a wide reach. Charles Holmes brings connection to groups across the planet. So does Peter Pula.

These are just people that come to my mind. Each of us knows connectors, or we are connectors ourselves. The point is that the larger culture has yet to recognize that connecting and building social capital is not something that is needed on occasion. It is a collective necessity to end isolation and the social costs it carries.

The Cost and the Discomfort

For every purpose we care about––organizational performance, faith, common good, economic equity, residents in a building––giving direct attention to connecting players seems of obvious value. However, it comes with a cost. The cost is that in these moments we are shifting the center of power. We yield, every time, control and predictability. There is great comfort in the certainty that a captain seems to offer. Same with panels, experts, summits, podcasts, celebrities, research and findings. These are the prevalent theories of change.

The invitations from a union, a political party, and an environmental group might be signaling that treating connection, which rests on trust and vulnerability among peers, is ready to be considered as a central element of success. These invitations are hopefully forerunners to an era where data, reason, and their poster child, AI, are kept in perspective. Where building trust and connection among those who care not only serves our humanity but is central to outcomes. It is time to declare that what transforms and delivers purpose into practice are the connections among all who are in the room. Including the people who thought they were in charge.

“Now hear this. This is the captain speaking. I am joining a small group.”